Tom Bogert, CBS Local Sports

In qualifying for the 2018 World Cup in Russia, reigning world champions Germany traveled to tiny San Marino to play a team filled with less full time professionals than those who have regular jobs during the day.

San Marino has carpenters, farmers, postmen and bar owners. They’ve played 139 games total, and have one historic win. They have four draws the other 134 were resounding losses. Their goal differential is of the wipe-glasses-off-then-look-again variety of -581. Once more for emphasis: Negative five-hundred-and-eighty-one. Their average score is a 4-0 loss.

Meanwhile, Germany has too many accolades to name. It’d be frivolous to bother. There are a lot of different ways to color in the fact Germany are very good at soccer, probably the best in the world.

Thus when Germany eviscerated San Marino 8-0 last week, the only reason to bat an eye would be to wonder why the Germans didn’t score more.

Thomas Muller, the team’s leading striker, was none too pleased about even needing to play. This is what he said after the match about the ‘pointless’ fixture.

“I don’t understand the point of such uneven games like these, even moreso because of the crowded fixture list,” Muller said after the match, via Mirror. “I understand that for them it is special to play against the world champions, I understand also that they can only defend with tough tackling. For this reason, though, I wonder if these are not games which bring unnecessary risks.”

As one might imagine, that didn’t go over well in the San Marino camp. As one might not have imagined, San Marino fired back. And it was glorious.

“Dearest Thomas Muller,” Alan Gasperoni, the San Marinese director of communications, began ever so sarcastically. He set the tone from the first words, a beautiful premonition for what was to come.

If Muller hadn’t had the game to go to, maybe he’d have something more financially beneficial to do. Gasperoni shoots his first mortar at Muller’s opulence. “Who knows, you might have to take part in any event organized by sponsors to pay several thousand of Euros.”

Gasperoni, in the soliloquy, asked for allowance to give 10 good reasons why the San Marino-Germany game had been helpful. (Related: Muller had no opportunity to allow.)

He starts strong, poking fun at the fact that Muller couldn’t even score against them: “It served to show you that not even against the teams poor as ours can you make a goal.”

Gasperoni routinely pegs Muller back at the amount of money he’s made, and will make, painting him as a figure of privilege and a mercenary, playing the game for the bank statement rather than the passion that everyone started with when they were kids. “It’s served to remember hundreds of journalism from all over Europe that there are still guys who follow their dreams and not your checks.”

His biggest shot was to call Muller and Germany bullies.

“It’s served to confirm that you Germans will never change and that history has taught you not even ‘bullying’ is not always guarantee of victory,” said Gasperoni.

Well done Alan Gasperoni and San Marino, well done.

Here’s the full post. It’s well worth the time to read.

What a brilliant dismount, “With love, your Alan.” Every judge gives that a 10/10.


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